Just ranting to get it off my chest. I dont care if you think its stupid, this is my news post and i gotta get this shit out. I thought id write down my side of a story, that would grow to be a rather conflicting one during my long time stay at the art forum. This rant might be depressing, user-negative or disturbing for some readers so discretion is advised.
My boring rant
Lets take it back to '06. The first time i had discovered the art forum. Full of life. And people who were really passionate with art. At that time i was 18. At that point, i wasnt taking art seriously. I had in fact stopped drawing since 14. But then one day, i went digi nuts... whatever you want to call it. Truth is, ive been a Digimon fanatic since i was 15 ever since it came out. And at age 18, my very first online drawing submission was a doodle of Renamon. Shes a very strong kitsune digimon fyi. I was also a member of a digimon fan site, Renamon.Nl (which is now defunct, and the admin and i are mortal enemies lmfao). That site used to be my very first online art portfolio where i submitted some few Rena fan arts, before i settled down in the NG art forum. I saw the glowing artistic essence in that forum full of people who had the power to create, and i was just fuckin turned on. Also another opportunity for me to contribute to NG, a long time beloved site which ive been lurking at since 99. I had promised myself to never join until i had something worth contributing to the site. So i made some music (pff). And i was in. Anyways back to the art forum. I decided to contribute to the forum, and jesus wow. Eye rape. I was very humble to the forum back then and i graciously asked for help from the other artists, who i wanted to be under their wings. Me as the new guy, i considered them as supreme artists who i would learn from and grow from their influence. Later, i made friends. Obviously from joining art collabs and being active, while being very bright and helpful. Yes, that was a great time for me. For me it was a golden era where i had people who supported me and who really valued my growing art work in an equal way like others. And i grew on that support. I was home. They even helped me up when i was down, when i was at the brink of leaving art behind. One of them was MindChamber, and i owe him a lot for being an understanding and sympathetic fella. We're still down to this day.
But sadly, old regs started leaving. One by one. Maybe they had other plans. And soon came a new wave of new regs. But it didnt stop me from drawing. I figured if i kept on drawing, i would still be able to receive feedback to improve my art skills. But despite many tries, i felt ignored. And that was the start of my many doubts on the forum that would later occur. At the same time, many of the new members turned out to be very ambitious. At first i didnt mind though, although this is what had me started competing with others. But what had me extra frustrated was that i felt like all the help i had offered was a waste of time, and i felt unappreciated because of that. Whenever i posted something new, i was no longer noticed and was rather blown off from the first page right away because some other more recognized regs had caught everybodys attention. This also lead me to believe that i really was shitty and that i had no right to call myself an artist. I felt like i was nothing. Then all of a sudden we had the art forum awards which really reflected the view of the art forum regs on each others. The voting was complete. The regs had spoken. This event was enormously depressing for me. I mean, where was i during whole 2007? I thought people already recognized my spot... that is, IF I EVER HAD A SPOT. And i was KIND OF expecting some respect because i stayed strictly loyal to the place for a whole year, but instead it turns out all my efforts on helping people around me werent worth jack shit after all. This left me hugely unappreciated and permanently half broken, and this is what basically had me starting to hate the art forum. I felt like an outcast. I was bumped out, with my less impressive works. Alienated from a community i used to think i was a part of. So i gradually started leaving the forum, to move off to another place. And found a new home where artists are way more open than most people here are used to. And i love it.
Seriously, its really hard to be optimistic about the art forum. Been there for some years, you thought you were cool with everybody. Then the next thing you know, youre all by yourself fiddling with your non-interesting drawings. Ever had the feeling that all the time when you thought you were meant for a place, but then later you find out that youve only been jerking around not achieving anything for the past years? WELL BOY. DO I. But i still hung around, hoping to eventually find someone who was really into what i made and most important was fully honest about it. But instead i find twofaced suck ups who only comment to have people around them. And honestly i cant take it anymore. Therefore ive decided to quit the art forum, and just be out of everybodys sight. Thats it. If the place i used to like dont care for me, then i wont care for the place... theres nothing left for me there anymore.
I was gonna add shoutouts here but it turned out i cant trust anyone anymore, after days and weeks of observing those who ive been in touch with. If i absolutely want to take anyones word seriously, it would be roughly these people:
I guess that was all. Im tired of the art forum. Its been slightly 2 years now staying there, and im calling that shit off. From what ive seen, my work hasnt achieved any recognition simply because its bad as i can tell from peoples ignoring and excuses. Being aware of that, ive wanted to drop everything i have and walk off my merry way in utter shame. But ever since Captain-Ben persuaded me some few days ago with long texts to not quit everything, ive been kind of hesitating with departing and ive delayed this news post for weeks until now. But ive made my mind now, im outta this shit. Ive been enough embarrassed as it is.
Now something completely irrelevant:
Over a week ago i accidentally dropped my Creative Zen player on the concrete. Now the screen is all half white and full of rainbow lines. The color display is wrecked, not to mention ugly scratches even on the touch pad. Aint that a bitch. Im thinking of buying a new one, but i can only find "refurbished" versions of the player. Anyone have any idea what they mean by that? I dont exactly think its something all new, there must be something else behind this...