Hey ya,
welcome to another stupid rant here at my news post. Todays post will be mainly about the arcade action game that would soon cross over to the SNES console. Well even tho there were early releases of the first Street Fighter game on NES and other game systems. Anyways, the game got immensely popular and spawned many fighting games of that sort since then. The game also spawned parodies in many movies. But it would never cross my mind, that the game would become the spoof itself. Are you thinking what im thinking? No? Im talking about the socalled "Street Fighter: The Movie", a movie adopted from the game. Ask yourself; how many games to this day have been filmatized? Plenty right? Some are good, some are bad. In my opinion, this movie went down the drain. Well, if youre still living in the old days where the SF hype was really taking off in the US while being a gamer fan, i dont see why you would get enough of this crap. :) I remember back in the ol' days, i was like "OMG! Street Fighter Movie! MUST! SEE!". But when you look back on it, and if youre especially well known in the Street Fighter franchise, you would know by the look of it: this shouldve never passed box office.
The producers didnt even find proper ways of making the movie original as possible, to make it live up to the style and the spirit we're all familiar with. Its almost like they just threw a bunch of people on the set, and there theyre ready to roll. Alright then, lets have a look on the cast and find out why this movie stinks:
Guile (Jean-Claude Van Damme)
First up, the American hero. THE American hero. Jean-Claude Van Damme as Colonel William F. Guile, is a commanding leader of AN troops (Allied Nations). He takes more lead in the movie than any of the other characters. When youre eager to get a glimpse of how he looks like, you expect him to have a big wave hair style, shiny and blonde that he could stroke his fingers thru with. Then finally you get to see him... ... ... wow... he got a real short hair cut. What happened? Apparently, his leaders decided to shave off his hair with force, because he was constantly breaking the rules regarding having long hair in the army. Note my sarcasm please. Anyways, they couldnt capture the feel of the real Guile. I mean c'mon, who wants a meatball from Brussels to play such an important role where the dialog is playing a heavy part to bring life to the character? In my opinion, Van Damme failed there. And also where they even tried to color his hair blonde, but somehow ended up looking orange. Say what?
Ryu (Byron Mann)
Ryu is a real fighter. Then i mean it, seriously. Hes also originally in center of the Street Fighter franchise with Chun Li. But in the movie, hes pushed more away to the sideline. We first get to know him as a some sort of a smuggler, who supposedly does business with the mobsterlike Sagat. Along with his partner Ken, they play their own chapter of the movie for a while as outlaws. Now hold a minute here. Whats up with Ryu? He doesnt look like Ryu to me, he looks like a some random guy the producers invited in from the streets. Having a cup of coffee, telling him to do some karate things here and there. Alright! Cast served! Dont misunderstand me, i know that Byron has been in many good movies. But did they really hire him in this movie just because he looked Japanese? They obviously ignored the fact that hes Chinese, so they were rather taking him in counting on the face factor. Also his face doesnt match the ubercool original Ryu being true to his own style. Byron doesnt fit in that style, at least they didnt put him in that way. He might couldve met the requirements. But again, this is just an overrated movie. Hype.
Ken (Damian Chapa)
Ken Masters, Ryus trusted partner. Together they join the battles in order to come out clean and safe. Ken is rather a very tough figure in the game, and hes more recognizable with his long blonde hair. But wait... remember what i said about Guile earlier? Dont have any high expectations, because Ken got short hair too. What the hell is going on? They did find a guy with a good matching face of Ken. ill give them props for that. But still, i cant believe that they didnt do anything about Mr. Chapas hair. I mean, they couldve provided him with a fake long hair that could be attached to the whole head. What? Something wrong with your budgets maybe, that you guys couldnt even do that? This is just sad. Btw, Kens hair is very similar to one of those James Dean hairdos in the movie. Yeah, way to go guys. Geez.
Chun Li (Ming-Na Wen)
Lol. Anyways back on the review. The first thing i say when i see Chun Li is... wow. Seriously, shes incredibly sexy in the game. Daaaamn. And the one who plays her role in the movie... looks like just another random person. But shes pretty tho. I guess this was the best Li impersonator they could find. She seems a lil uptight in that red dress tho. The outfit somehow makes her face round. The movie starts with her being a journalist for the news channel GNT. Since when did she decide to do journalism? Ah whatever, its the producers story, not mine. But i thought she would be in a more active movement than just being a hopeless journalist dreaming of confronting Bison with babysteps. Go Li!
E. Honda (Peter Navy Tuiasosopo)
Watch out! Its that bigass sumo with the wild hand tackle. When you usually see Honda in the game, hes a very strict-looking sumo with eyes that could kill whoever who encountered him. Not to talk about his wild eyebrows! When i first saw Honda in the movie, one thing did hit me: hes too big to wander around in a van. Then i especially mean the same news van that Chun Li is seated in. Thats right, Honda is a part of her personal team of journalists. He have to spend quite a lot time staying in the van tho, while shes outside doing her news casting. If hes gonna come out, he better stay out. But if he decides to go back in, he shouldve thought of staying in there before. It is problematic for the others inside to work in there if he cant plant his ass in one place. Looking away from his fatness, he looks more chilled out wearing that Hawaii t-shirt, than he is in the game. Sumos are strictly trained physically and mentally, so i dont get it how he could look like hes been spending 6 hours in front of a TV eating pizza. In the movie, it is also said that hes from Hawaii. Excuse me? He comes from an island that used to be US territory? Oh i see. So that explains his calm presence while wearing Western influenced clothes? Originally, hes a strict sumo from Japan, who is very close to his culture, trained hard to walk the fighters destiny. But here, he looks like an angry slob. Get it right damn it! >_<
Balrog ( Grand L. Bush)
If youve finished SFII Turbo with Balrog (which im sure that many of you have done), you will learn that the evil has grown in power thanx to the efforts of Balrog. So that makes him evil right? Right. But someone please explain me why the fuck he is Chun Lis personal cameraman?? Apparently, Bison had enough of him typing too many errors on Bisons main computer with his gloves on, that he kicked him out of his base, then from there he would evade the hungry crocodiles that were waiting for a juicy treat. Then Chun Li saved him an empty spot in her crew as a cameraman. Lol jk. But c'mon, why is Balrog on the good side? This is quite opposite of what the game has to offer :( Its confusing. Balrog is a BAD GUY. And also, his look? Every true SF fan knows, that Balrogs name in the Japanese version is M. Bison. This is because its supposed to hint to the former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. Balrogs appearence is supposed to resemble to that. But then look back at Grands appearance. Damn. This is also just random. Man, does he look like Balrog? I would say he just looks like another black male in cosplay. Try getting this, that it just wont work having a random black male to impersonate a specific character. Neither will it work with having a random Chinese guy to play a Japanese character etc. You get the point? It doesnt work that way... not in SF, thats for sure.
Sagat (Wes Studi)
Well, he almost looks like Sagat from the game. But unfortunately, he doesnt have big muscles like in the game :( Yes yes i admit, you cant expect everything to be in its precise detail. But if Sagat doesnt have that kind of stuff, how come Guile can pump his bigass fake muscles up in one moment from another in the movie? Because Sagat is a villain, how obvious. But even villains got enormous strength. And, Sagat falls too quickly in the fight with Ken (spoilers). I thought he once used to be the greatest warrior in the world. Apparently we were wrong. Or, is this rather the producers fault? Yeah, ill go with the last one. But as in all American action movies, the good guys always win, and have it all. Ah, the wonderful essence of action movies, you gotta love it... just be sure to skip this one, if youre in mood for a movie that makes sense.
Vega (Jay Tavare)
Hmm... okay. So this is Vega. And yes, he sure is a narcisst in the movie too. But this is still not quite Vega, even tho theyve used stuntmen to do all the fancy tricks that hes meant to do in the movie. But still, looking away from his fancy clothes as well, hes... brown. Hey now, i dont have anything against brown people. Hell, im a Paki and im brown as a muffin, so dont torch me on fire. But in the game, Vega is pale. It is generally correct, that most of the Spanish people got brown skincolor and black haircolor (Just like Luis, except that hes a Latino from Mexico). But was it necessary to make Vega brown too by basing on stereotypical facts? Meh. Looks like theyve been trying to make the character settings closer to our real world. But if hes pale in the game, then just LET HIM BE PALE! There are many pale people in Spain that they could find, that got light skincolor and brown hair. Hell, my childhood buddy was Spanish, and HE HAD BLONDE HAIR AND LIGHT SKINCOLOR. So believe me, i know where i want. Understand, amigo?
T. Hawk (Gregg Rainwater)
You know, when he first showed up on the screen, i didnt know it was him. No kiddin, i couldnt recognize him.You know why? Because T. Hawk is a HELLUVA BIG CHUNK of a man. But in the movie, he looked like just another officer. And wait, why is he an officer? Looks like all the good guys are gathered as a one huge block of military warriors. Hes from Mexico, doing his peaceful deeds in the local village, and then he fucks around joining the army? Just wow. And what is his purpose for that? Oh thats right, to get back on Bison. But that can be done without becoming a slave for the AN. Theres something called freelancing. Anybody? Anyway, i was kinda expecting him to be a big fellow, but instead hes a some sort of a military commander next to Guile. He only leads the troops. He doesnt do a shit after that during the whole movie. Maybe he sprays around with a pistol or a machine gun and stuff for a while, but after that... he just pulls out. He got a friggin injury on his forehead while there was a prisonbreak. Hes an enslaved dog. He helps freeing the hostages which is supposed to be a big deal (spoiler), but we as SF fans, wanted to see him in real action! Where are his special moves? Where one of the moves consists of his flying attack, where is that? Oh... maybe that was too inappropriate for him... as a proud officer... of the great AN, fighting for peace and justice. All his techniques and everything he used to represent, buried, dusted and forgotten. What a shame. He looks now more like a grumpy officer who got mad because all his muscle melted away. And somebody please remove that bandage from his forehead.
Cammy (Kylie Minogue)
Oh wow, looks like everybody wants a piece from the SFII cake. Many people want it so bad, even the singer Kylie Minogue jumped in the role as Cammy. In my opinion, very unfitting. And yes, shes in the army too, as a part of the AN. Remember what i said about the one huge block of military warriors. It is true, that Cammy works for MI-6, the British spy organization. Therefore, shes a highly trained killer. But here, shes just another ranked officer with piggy tails. Bah... no more comments. Cammy Cummy Cammy Cummy Cammy Cummy. Lol. Okay okay sorry ill quit. Just a bad joke to fill up the cast review here. Tell me, have i succeeded? Is it filled up? Oh okay never mind, i think it just did.
Fei-Long/Captain Sawada (Kenya Sawada)
If you havent paid attention, you would say "Hey, captain Sawada isnt a real SF character! Hes just a commanding officer in the movie.". ... ... ... thats what it exactly seems like, because them bastard producers changed his name from Fei-Long. Yep thats right. Captain Sawada IS Fei-Long. They changed his name, because they didnt want to pay the Bruce Lee family royalties (since Fei-Long is directly based from Bruce Lee). One of the most dishonoring things they could do to the SFII franchise... was to hide him away among the other officers, and name him Sawada. Im like... WTF? And he doesnt have any much to say either. He just has a couple of lines... he spat them out, and there goes the troops. Another dumb shit, is that he does not look like Fei-Long in any way. Nor does he even have any moves or any shit, like he got in SSFII. And, he does nothing. Hes just another guy in a uniform. Goddamn it. It is obvious that the producers had no fucking idea how to put all the characters together in the movie, in a way that makes sense. Brainless eggheads.
Dhalsim (Roshan Seth)
Y'know, i was almost certain that Dhalsim could stretch out his limbs in the movie as well. I mean, the producers CAN NOT avoid THAT too... can they? Oh crud, they did. Want a glimpse of him? Then go to Bisons secret lab and ask for DOCTOR DHALSIM. Alright, so they hired an Indian actor. But my question is; did they just grab the nearest Indian they could get close to? And since when did Dhalsim become a doctor? And he got HAIR! When you see him in the movie, hes nothing more than just a weak little Indian with chains, forced to do Bisons biddings. Oh c'mon. The REAL Dhalsim would spend his whole time practicing yoga and be one with his powers... wait, does he have any powers in the movie? Nope. As i said, hes just a weak little Indian. One of the reasons i wanted to see the movie was because of the overnatural techniques each of the characters could do from the original game. And Dhalsim was one of the characters i was most interested in when the movie was on. But they killed my joy, and ill never get it back. Even odder, when we get back to him at the end of the movie (spoilers), hes suddenly bald like hes gone thru a ritual right before hes gonna die. The damn producers have wasted another good character, like a condom.
Blanka/Charlie? (Robert Mammone)
At the beginning of the movie, i was wondering how many characters i would see in the whole movie. But i got surprised already at the start, when Guile was repeatedly shouting "Charlie!" on live television as Bison was watching (you must watch the movie to get this). Then Bison approaches one of the kidnapped AN soldiers and rips off his name tag that is hanging around his neck. He reads: "Carlos Blanka." Then i was like... is that Blanka? Then right after, he says: "Charlie. So youre Guiles friend." Wha? Huh? Im a lil confused, can anyone explain me please? Yep, horrible as it seems, them idiot producers had merged two characters into one. And for what reason had Guile to call Blanka CHARLIE, when his name is already CARLOS? Someone tell me that. Blanka and Charlie are two totally different characters in the franchise. Oh, so they merged them together according to the whole lame plot of the movie. Well, lets go back to the original background of Blanka. His actual name is Jimmy, and he went missing in a plane crash in the forests of Brazil many years ago. And he grew up in the jungle there, until he met his mother. But what theyre telling here, is that they stuffed him inside in one of Bisons machines, and turned him into a monster in matter of 5 hours. What a wonderful crossover. This fuzzball right here, is supposed to be the monstrous feared Blanka the mankind ever got to know. Gimme a break.
Zangief (Andrew Bryniarsky)
Zangief is big. There is no question about it. And luckily, they did have a big guy to play the role. But what bothered me was the way they portrayed him. I mean, they made him look stupid and incompetent and clumsy. In one example where a truck loaded with explosives rolls towards the tent where Bison & co are gathered at, Zangief shouts "Quick! Change the channel!". He responds to what the TV is capturing via the camera that is taping the truck. It is so obvious, that they made him stupid because hes Russ... eherm i mean Sovietic. Yep, the propaganda is still stickin around after the Cold War. For me, this is just plain idiotic. Just because Zangief is a big Soviet, that doesnt make his brain as a size of a meatball. Btw, Zangief is on Bisons side at the beginning. Again, its all stereotypical.
Dee Jay (Miguel A. Nunez Jr.)
WHAT?? Can you believe this??>:( That lil black dude on the pic is supposed to be Dee Jay... Im like WTF? You know, this is goin too far. What the FUCK happened to Dee Jay, people? What happened to his real size and shit? That little piece of shit is supposed to be the cool Jamaican guy. O RLY? They made him into a puny little computer nerd. WHATS THE BIG FUCKIN IDEA? As if they didnt rape the SFII legend enough. Lets put away all that bullshit for a moment. We all know that Dee Jay is a very naughty kickboxer. His muscles are big chunks of armor that shine in the sun. He has a cool attitude and loves to shake it loose. Hes tall and tough. But the producers of the movie had the NERVE, to get it twisted like that. Hes short, cowardly and a computer nerd who wimps out without anyone noticing him, when the end of Bison is near. And oh, not to forget his famous line as he makes his escape: "Oh, mon! I should have stayed at Microsoft". Wow, what a geek. A great fit kickboxer turned into a weakling who even complains a lot. Hell, hes not even a kickboxer there. He just spends his time sittin on his ass typing shit on the main computer. What a disgrace. Did i mention that he doesnt even look like Dee Jay? Then i mean AT ALL? That little face of his? Someone do us all a favor, and go visit the producers and cap their asses. Theyve ruined another perfectly made character. This one had style. Way to tear him down to nothing. Now they can eat dicks and balls in hell. 6 IN A ROW.
M. Bison (Raul Julia)
Alright first, i just wanna make a couple of confessions. Ive never seen anyone fitting the role of Bison more perfect than Mr. Raul Julia did. Then i mean, bravo for his excellent performance. He was no doubt the best actor to be seen in the whole movie. It was HIM who made the movie less torturing to watch. He brought the character to life in a way that is so majestic, that he could almost fill all requirements to match the real Bison... if it wasnt for the gay master plan of a plot the producers had set. I just cant believe how they managed to convince Mr. Julia to do this shit. He shouldve seen this coming. Unfortunately, it was too late for him to realize what kind of mess he got himself into; when he sadly died the same year it was made. He was only 54. May he rest in peace :( One last hurrah for Mr. Raul Julia!
Conclusion:
So... what do i think of the movie overall? Alright, let me be perfectly honest: It was the most non-creative washed up hunk of pile ever to be adopted from SFII into live action in America. Oh yeah sure, there are some small doses of humor, and lots of shooting frenzy which brings me to the question where the hell it has its place in SFII. This is STREET FIGHTER, not COMMANDO. I dont care how much they say about the whole thing being an important part of the movie, because what i know from SF, is that they dont use fucking soldiers to invade and finish off the enemy. That is so wrong. Yeah, Bison is in fact a general of a whole army, but that doesnt stop the true street fighters to reach their goal: to put an end of Bison personally. The movie in the other hand, seems to glorify the idea of using invasion troops to wipe out the enemy. Plain militaristic, comparable to the tactics used by the US coalition in Iraq. You think that invasion is the answer to a fucking problem? This cant be called a SF movie if it cant keep its destination clear for all sorts of bullshit. But hey, i cant change this. After all, this was an American produced movie, so im not surprised. What im more frustrated about, is why Capcom even bothered to license this piece of shit, which makes me sad. How will this affect the SF franchise? Will there be even more lame adaptations? I bet there will be. Because there have been many already. Examples? Well, as if it wouldnt get any worse, they even released a Street Fighter movie comic book adaptation. Oh but that isnt all. If you really enjoyed the movie, you mustve also picked up the Street Fighter: The Movie game based on the movie for Sega Genesis and the old bulky Playstation. Oh what joy it brought to your living room, a fun game for the whole family. And hey, its based on the movie. ON THE MOVIE!! And if that aint satisfying enough, then additionally you will probably like the American animated Street Fighter series that they based off from the movie. What you say? Cant get enough of this shit? Here is some more. This shit, and that shit. Hey, you can pull this out of my ass too if you'd like. And HEY, if you really enjoy watching live action SF adaptations like the movie, you will be guaranteed to love this old South Korean piece of shit as well. There, have fun. Did i make myself clear? Good. Well that was all i had to rant about. I know it has been a long one, which i normally dont do. But i felt that THIS MOVIE needed the sort of review that it deserved. Because ive kept all this inside me until now. Oh btw, there will be a new Street Fighter movie somewhere in 2008. I bet youre excited. Will this new one be better than its prequel? Or will it be much dumber than predicted? Lets all just cross our fingers, hold on tight and hope that they dont fuck it up again. There. The End. Hammi out.
Good God, where has the world gone to?
![My personal review on "Street Fighter: The Movie"]()
